Bad Debt

September 21, 2010

I gave you love, you took for free,
My heart ‘s in negative equity.
On this account, there’s nothing ranker
To waste your life on some old banker!

Ever since the dawn of time began,
I’ve slept with one eye open for a man.
But as they rise and fall,
I’m not satisfied at all,
And all that I can do is cry and plea,

Oh dahling, is there anyone for me!

When my love life made its fatal start,
I adored my teddy bear with all my heart.
But then he formed a dirty habit
And ran off with my rabbit,
And all that I could do was sigh and seethe,

Oh dahling, you were not the one for me!

I remember on a pink and perky day,
I met a man, who smiled at me, so gay.
But then he hopped out of my closet,
And left with no deposit
When he made off in my favourite lingerie,

And I thought, dahling, you were not the one for me!

I decided, that my tactics, I must switch,
And find myself a man who’s filthy rich.
But when I found myself a honey
All he had was dirty money,
And the cad, he never spent a cent, you see,

So I knew, dahling, you were not the one for me!

I dared to find myself a Romeo,
Who knew, upon a woman, where to go.
But while he fumbled quite a lot
He failed to hit the spot,
And I’m sure, that every woman would agree

When I say, dahling, you were not the one for me!

I found myself a gent that dripped with charm,
And I fancied myself hanging from his arm.
But then I saw him with a pram,
And I thought, damn, a married man
As I fell out, once again, with destiny,

As I cried, dahling, you were never meant to be.

But still the search goes on, you see, in vain,
As I paste my smile to cover up the pain.
So while I hold my breath
I think I’ll drink myself to death,
While I search for Mr Right indefinitely,

For dahling, nobody is good enough for me!

Dorothy Darker will be appearing at the Vertical Rhythm Club on Monday 20th September 2010 at the Button Factory in Temple Bar during the Absolute Fringe 2010

Off the Market

March 1, 2010

Once I had a shopping list
Of perfect men who don’t exist.
My body ‘s weak, my heart is sore.
I am not shopping any more!

What’s another year!

September 24, 2009

Another year has come and gone,
And still my weary heart bears on.
I raise my glass and make a toast
For love that haunts me like a ghost!

An Bored Snap!

September 7, 2009

I implement a new taxation,
A lack of lovers compensation.
For boys who fail to make a start –
A levy on your lazy heart!

Dorothy Darker will be performing in the Spiegeltent at George’s Dock on Wednesday 9th September at the Vertical Rhythm Club as part of the Absolut Fringe 2009. Doors open at 21.30m

Chintz Charming!

September 1, 2009

Take your prince, and your chintz and your white picket fence,
The thought of them all leaves me feeling quite tense.
Let them rot in the grot of suburban hell,
Cause alone, on my own, I can do bloody well!

Dorothy Darker will be performing at the Vertical Rhythm Club in the Spiegeltent on 9 September 2009 during the Absolut Fringe.

One has an axe to grind!

January 17, 2009

Sweet talking you with trusted lies,
The lust lurking behind his eyes.
Men like to pump, men like to grind,
But often only f*ck your mind!

Objection Sustained!

November 28, 2008

Once I told, and he had kissed,
The evidence said “case dismissed”.
The judge was a terrific sport,
And threw that cad’s plea out of court!

Zimmer Zam thank you m’am

November 15, 2008

Eludes me still, this romance rush,
The thrill that makes a girl’s cheeks blush.
But if, pray God, I’m still alive,
I may find love by ninety five!

A Royal Pain On His Ass

November 10, 2008

They say, “Some day my prince will come”.
I think my prince is rather dumb.
Cause while this damsel ‘s in distress,
The fool forgot the right address!